Eternity would take a little longer

Time turned into a cruller, a double-helix folding in on itself without warning. Causality became more tenuous than it had ever been, and she was now reluctant to invoke it altogether. Nothing was clear. Did the lightning cause thunder or was it the other way around, or was it some third or fifth or one-hundred-and-sixth factor that was to blame? Her world was becoming a kind of a primordial soup that made very little sense in light of what she currently knew.

Yet instead of being scared, she noticed a certain eagerness in herself that had not been there before. The delight of the newness reminded her of a childhood squandered in the wrinkle of a brow. She sensed that this was an opportunity to learn anew, without preconceived notions, without expectations. So what that it didn’t make sense? Had it not all been an illusion anyway, all that sense of control?

But there was still the matter of mortality that she snagged on every time. Since she knew now that unvented thoughts and feelings had transformed her into a festering septic tank, she felt that the right thing was to stay with it. Yet she realized that she didn’t have the vocabulary to think it through. Time, punctuated by the beat of its units, she understood. Eternity would take a little longer.

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